I have a love-hate relationship with cars. I love driving them, I love looking at them (the pretty ones at least), I even love watching how they’re made, but I hate hate hate having to deal with and maintain them. Some people grow up knowing cars, some don’t. I grew up learning computers, which means my knowledge of cars is pretty sparse. However, in a recent car adventure I learned a lot.
I learned that Coca-Cola is some powerful shit. Jen and I went out shopping in my car and everything was great. We got back home and she dropped me off because she wanted to go back out for something else, and to make things easy she just took my car. I was in mid-Hot Wheels play when I got a call from her saying the car won’t start. So I hoped in her truck and went to save the day.
The best place to die
Too bad I didn’t save anything. Sure enough the car wasn’t starting, not even a ka-chug-chug-chug or anything. Opened the hood to find the battery was a mess. There was this dried toothpaste junk all over the terminals. Yup, good old fashioned corroded battery. Jumping it didn’t work so we had to make some decisions. Fortunately the car died in a mall parking lot, so we had everything around that we needed – a Firestone, a Home Depot, and a Best Buy.
Since we were so close to the Firestone, we opted to just replace the battery. We couldn’t justify towing it anywhere. Jen walked to the Firestone and got a battery ($90) while I tried to get the old battery out of my car. Too bad for me that the bolts and screws were pretty much not going anywhere. Jen had a tool kit in her trunk but it didn’t have the one thing we needed – a crescent wrench. It also failed to have the proper sized sockets either. Double whammy.
Let the shopping continue
So to Home Depot we go and get a crescent wrench. Easy enough. I was then able to get most of the bolts undone, including the one on the terminal connector – too bad the connector had a different idea. The corrosion was so thick that it wasn’t letting go of the connector. I tried to pry but it wasn’t having it. With our trusty Blackberries in had, we learn that Coke is corrosion’s arch enemy and if you poor over the terminal it will loosen the connector.Honestly, I had my doubts, but since Coke can eat away my stomach lining, why not some battery corrosion. To Best Buy!
At Best Buy things just got better. I grabbed a bottle of Coke and went to the register…buy aw no, the guy checking out is having credit card issues. Do other employees come to open other registers now that the line is backing up? No. We gather around and use their collective brain power to try and get the credit card to work. Fail. But finally a girl came and opened a second register. I went over only to find it was credit card only. This wasn’t a problem since I had my card, but even I have a problem putty a $1.75 bottle of Coke on my credit card. But whatever…
Coke saves the day
I pour a little bit of Coke onto the wire brush we got at Home Depot and go to town on the connector. And I’ll be damned it worked like a charm. Stomach linings, tooth enamel, and battery corrosion…what can’t Coke destory?!
Once the connectors were off I thought we were scot free until I noticed one more thing impeding my progress. Hyundai, in their infinite wisdom, decided to place a metal plate at the bottom of the battery platform with a single bolt that was just deep enough that I had no leverage to be able to twist it off. I even took out some pieces of my car and unhooked some wires to try and get space to put my wrench, but nothing. I needed a long socket extender.
Back to Home Depot!
Fifteen dollars later and with a socket extension in my hand, I manage to undo the very rusty bolt and swap in the new battery. Whew! All in all, I think that battery cost $130 to replace, which honestly was still cheaper than trying to get it towed somewhere. We had to buy the battery regardless, so all it cost us was $30 for tools and a Coke. But now I have everything to replace my battery next time…including a bottle of Coke.
I like cars much better when they’re small.