Las Vegas

I had never been further West of Ohio than Chicago prior to this summer. Our first venture West of the Mississippi was Las Vegas. Why Vegas? Why not? You hear about it, you read about, you see it in the movies - it’s fun, right? It’s exciting and crazy…Sin City, afterall.

Having never been West before, my first reactions to Las Vegas were:

Look, mountains!
Where’s the grass?!
Damn. It’s hot.

After a long direct flight from Ohio to Las Vegas, we were starving and tired. In need of food as soon as possible, we searched for something quick and familiar that we could just down without much thought. Great, a Subway!

It was at Subway when we realized that Las Vegas - at least The Strip of Las Vegas - was not home of the legendary cheap food as we expected. For as we gazed up at the menu board, a mere 6-inch sub was $7.00 - that’s a Lincoln and two Washingtons. And that was just the sub - your typically chip and drink combo was a straight $10.00.

As we quickly found out, dining in Vegas is never cheap. Frankly, nothing in Vegas is cheap. We really weren’t expecting a dollar store on every corner, but $40 each per meal is far from affordable. But if you must eat, the casino buffets are by far the best bet. The Bellagio buffet, called The Buffet, is a little more than other casino buffets, but the selection is great as is the taste. The other good option to take is the Walgreens route. Just go to Walgreens and by your food, drinks, and snacks and take them back to your hotel. You can get two days worth of meals for $7.00 if you play your cards right.

I then realized that restaurants and other retail stores on The Strip are under the assumption that you won in Vegas. The problem is, you never win in Vegas. You may “win” money, but you don’t “make” money.

The difference here should be obvious. “Winning” money means you won the game, whether it be slots or tables. “Making” money means you gained cash. Because if you drop $20 and win $10, then you didn’t “make” $10, you “won” $10 - and you still lost $10. All in all, we actually broke even when it came to the games.

Playing mostly the penny slots - yes, they exist - I actually won probably about $80 or so. However, I just kept playing with those $20 wins and eventually lost them as well. The key, however, being that I turned maybe $2.00 into $25.00. I would have made $20, but, like a good gambler, I didn’t know when to quit and just kept playing.

When playing in Vegas, especially the slots, it’s best to treat them like your common videogame. At the arcade, you put in your quarter and play the game trying to last as long as possible - trying to get the most out of your one quarter. The slots are no different. You put in your dollar and you see how long you can go on that one dollar. It’s fun like a videogame is fun. You have to enjoy the entertainment and interaction and the environment of the casino. You can’t get made when you lose.

But, all the gambling aside, Vegas was a lot of fun. We stayed at The Bellagio for three nights and it was awesome. Albeit a little on the expensive side, what you get out of your room at the Bellagio is entirely worth the drop. The Bellagio is the hotel/casino with the least amount of gimmick. The Bellagio’s gimmick is class. Out of the other hotels we walked through, the Bellagio was the least tricked out with a theme. I liked that.

The Bellagio is right next door to Caesar’s Palace on the north. South of the Bellagio was an empty lot where a new resort is going up. Frankly, The Strip south of the Bellagio was quite trashy. Actually, all of Vegas is trashy, but the south end seems to have gotten the worst while the north is a little more tolerable.

In Vegas the streets are paved with porn, quite literally. People line the sidewalks handing out hooker flyers and nudey cards. No one takes them, so they just get tossed to the ground and on near by hedges and bushes. The only place you can look and not see trash is straight up, where you’ll find blue skies sans clouds.

Of course, you can avoid the sidewalks and thus the porn and the heat by travelling via resorts. The catch is, however, that the only straight line between point A and point B is the sidewalk along the street. You can make it from one end to the other just walking from casino to casino, but it will take you four times longer than taking the sidewalk because you’ll have to walk four times as far. Every casino is a maze of slot machines and shops. You can get to where you want to go, just don’t expect to get there in a straight line.

And when you go to Vegas you have to see a show, right? Right. So we did. We saw Blue Man Group and it was great. It was a really entertaining show that delivered on the cost of tickets. If you mix Stomp with Gallagher you’ll get some form of BMG. A lot of music, a lot of comedy, and a lot of fun.

We were in Vegas for three full days and it was just long enough. It was just long enough to browse through most of the casinos, see a show, shop a little, and gamble. Any longer and you really run out of things to do - unless of course you have money to burn or love to drink, of which we had neither. It was hot and we walked more in 48-hours than we had in 6-months combined. Despite the heat, the walking, and the price of goods, Vegas was a lot of fun.

Will we go back? Not for a long while if we do - or until we win the lottery.

Stop by the Gallery for photos from Las Vegas